


Almost Is Never Enough

by Ihadtogointohiding



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, My First Fanfic, Reunions, Songfic, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-30
Updated: 2013-12-30
Packaged: 2018-01-06 18:04:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1109930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihadtogointohiding/pseuds/Ihadtogointohiding
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by Ariana Grande's song by the same name. Sherlock and John love each other but don't think their feelings will be returned. Sherlock dies and they are reunited after 2 years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. John's realisation

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so any comments would be greatly received.

John spent a lot of time regretting. Regretting the way he felt, regretting the things he did but most of all regretting the things he didn't do. He wished he had done something, said something; he wished he had just once, let on how he truly felt about Sherlock. He had spent so much time denying it and telling people he wasn't gay and reminding himself of that fact but it had all been a lie.

It hadn't begun as a lie. He thought he was straight, he thought he was going to spend the rest of his days as a miserable ex-soldier in a grim bedsit trying to live off of an army pension. Even when he met the enigmatic Sherlock Holmes he had just thought he had finally made a friend; that he had met someone who could bring something back in to his life. He had never thought he would fall for Sherlock, especially never thought he would fall in love with him but it had been a gradual process and it had snuck up on him.  
The first sign of something had been after John shot that cabbie to save Sherlock, to save a man he had known less than 48 hours, to save his best friend. When he had seen him wrapped up in that orange blanket he had wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around him, laugh with him, kiss him. But he had not and he had quickly passed those emotions off as the after effects of an adrenaline high.

From then on it had been little things, if Sherlock went a week without leaving any body parts in the fridge, if John was allowed a cup of tea before Sherlock rushed him off to a crime scene or something as simple as Sherlock respecting John’s personal space. Not only did John appreciate the latter for its practicality but the emotions that sometimes welled up in him when that deep baritone whispered suddenly in his ear made John wonder when on earth he had started thinking his flatmate had a voice made of chocolate.  
Then Moriarty happened. When Sherlock had turned up to rescue John, John almost cried at the sight of that lanky body in that too tight shirt but he had held it together for the both of them. When Sherlock stripped him of that jacket though, John nearly lost it. Not just at the physicality of the situation but the feelings that came with it all. To see the machine that was Sherlock Holmes show affection for someone as ordinary as John had almost sent John tumbling over the edge and as they sat there panting, John decided to make a joke of the very thing he feared he wanted. They both laughed it off and headed back to Baker Street. 

John had been right though and people did talk, people had always assumed there was something more than friendship between the soldier and the detective and in a way they were right. But now Scotland Yard had a bet going on the announcement of a wedding date. John always laughed these off but he knew that if it continued, something was going to happen and he may not be able to deny his feelings any longer. For whilst the process of falling in love had been a rather slow one; the realisation that he was in love was very sudden for one John Watson.

It had been triggered by the smallest thing.

The two men had become closer after the pool incident afterward realising how much they relied on one another and how integral they were to each other’s lives. They each wanted to make sure the other was always around because they both worried that no one else would ever want them. It was not this however that caused John Watson to realise he was in love with one Sherlock Holmes, no. It was a lazy, case-free, Sunday morning when Sherlock brought John a cup of tea just the way he liked it. John always made the tea and Sherlock couldn't remember that the earth rotated around the sun so the surprise at a perfect cup of tea being handed to him was enough and all he could reply in his shocked state was 

“Why?”

“Because I thought it was about time.” was all the reply he got along with a flash of one of Sherlock’s genuine smiles before he promptly returned to the experiment he had set up on the kitchen table.

John had had to take his perfect tea to his room and just sit on his bed and think it through. He was a logical man and had never really had emotional dilemmas because he was always open with himself and with others. He kept to this in so much as he didn't bother to deny to himself the fact that he was in love with Sherlock. He actually felt somewhat happier and more content in finally being able to acknowledge his emotions. The complications crept in when he realised the man he loved would never love him back.  
So he carried on with life. He chased criminals, he worked part time at the clinic and he continued to tell Sherlock off for putting eyeballs in the microwave. But he also continued to love Sherlock. He knew the feelings would never be reciprocated and for now; almost was enough.

But then Sherlock had fallen from St Bart’s and John had fallen apart.

John spent 2 years grieving, mourning and crying over his flatmate, his best friend, his true love.

Even though he tried to carry on with normal life and even managed to get a job, a girlfriend and a new flat; he kept replaying that phone call. He kept wondering what emotion had been behind the crack in Sherlock’s voice when he had said “John” for the final time. He never stopped thinking about how it might have been different if he had admitted his feelings to Sherlock. Maybe if Sherlock knew he had love he wouldn't have done it, he would have stepped back and they wouldn't be worlds apart but in each other’s arms.  
John wished he could turn back time and instead of telling Sherlock not to do it, tell him how much he loved him, how much he had always loved him and how much he would always love him. He wished he had never had to say goodbye and they had had the chance at love that they both deserved. They had both had pain in their lives but meeting each other had made the pain worth it because it drove them together. Whether it had been John’s bullet wound or Sherlock’s desire for cases as to keep him off the drugs; they had been each other’s rehab. They deserved something so much more than the ending they got, the one that had torn the heart out of John.


	2. Sherlock's realisation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock's turn at realising he is in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic so any comments would be greatly received.

Sherlock realised his love for John rather quickly for a man who claimed to not have any emotions. He had always seen himself as a robot, taught from a young age that caring was not an advantage; he had maintained this motto throughout his life. He had had plenty of brushes with death over the years and was therefore not in the business of denying himself the simple pleasures in life. It was why he had continued to smoke until it became more annoying than pleasurable. He ate as he wished and maintained his erratic lifestyle because he wanted to but then John had limped into his life.

He initially thought the doctor would be an interesting new challenge what with the psychosomatic limp and the taste for danger but he never imagined it would last beyond a few weeks at most. The fact that John was able to tolerate him and even seemed to revere him at times fascinated Sherlock. When he finished deducing John, Sherlock had expected the usual piss off and had been genuinely surprised to hear the doctor call him amazing. He had not been praised so sincerely and selflessly before and it made him feel…..happy, which was an emotion that Sherlock Holmes had not spent a lot of time experiencing. 

He vowed to try and keep John around from that moment and became increasingly more pleased with his decision as the evening and the case progressed. Then he had found himself sitting in front of a mad man, sure he had chosen wrong despite his cockiness and just as he went to put the pill on his tongue; the shot had rang out. He flung the pill away from himself and tied to catch sight of the shooter but he appeared to have fled instantly. He then became preoccupied with the dying man and it wasn’t until he was deducing the shooter for Lestrade and saw John innocently waiting beyond the crime scene type that he realised. 

If there was something Sherlock never was it was wrong, he was also never struck dumb but both of these things happened for the first time in the same moment. This moment also happened to be the one where he fell in love with one John Watson. He unconvincingly lied to Lestrade who was so shocked at the detective’s admission of a mistake that he let him go. 

As much as Sherlock wanted to kiss John and take him home, the soldiers demeanor suggested that Sherlock’s feeling were very much one sided so instead he just acknowledged what John had done for him with an offer for dinner and a bit of normality.

Sherlock was practically famed for his devil may care attitude regarding people’s emotions and reactions to the very personal things he could reveal about them from just a look; which is why he didn’t understand why he couldn’t tell John he loved him. He never cared what people thought of him and it took several hours in his mind palace to figure it out; he cared about John. If he cared about John and wanted John to be happy, he could not tell the doctor of his selfish feelings. As much as Sherlock loved to be selfish, he decided a life with John and unrequited love was better than a lonely life where John had left at Sherlock’s admission of love. For now; almost was enough.

Then the infamous Moriarty appeared. It took every ounce of self-control Sherlock had to not just shoot the consulting criminal when he saw the control he had over John. When John jumped on Moriarty and showed himself to be willing to sacrifice himself for Sherlock, the detective almost felt his heart break and simultaneously began to wonder when he had started to use such poetic language in regards to his flatmate. He drew himself back to the present very quickly though and focused on how to save John.

As he moved to tear the vest from John he was the closest to kissing John he had ever been and with the realisation that he may never get this close again he went to make his move but then Jim had walked back in. Sherlock really did nearly shoot him this time but held back because he knew how tricky the man could be.

After the threat had been efficiently dealt with and they were on their way back to Baker Street, Sherlock found himself wondering if he would ever be able to tell John how he felt. He had almost lost him and the night had shown him just how much of his life John was and how much Sherlock needed him. But he still didn’t say anything and he would wonder for the rest of his life why he had given up.

When he found himself on the roof of St Bart’s he knew then that he should not have given up, he knew that he should have told John how he felt but he also knew that then was not the right time. 

At least he had been able to say goodbye. John had never said goodbye, had been too focused on talking Sherlock down.

2 years later; John had still not truly said goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> This has potential for an added wedding and smut chapters so if you are interested in those let me know on my tumblr.  
> www.theshorgirlintheredcoat.tumblr.com  
> If there is enough interest I will post them.  
> Thanks again!


	3. Sherlock's return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock leaves a note this time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic so any comments would be greatly received.

One day, John walked into the dull flat he was now living in and found a note addressed to him sitting against the kettle. He would usually have got his gun at the idea that there was someone in his house who wasn’t supposed to be there except that he had frozen at the sight of that scrawling handwriting. He recognised it from hasty shopping lists, test tube labels and derisive notes to John about his blog.

_John,_

_I know how you have been since the fall and if my deductions are correct then I know why you have been as you have._

_You have seen friends die before, on the battlefield, in surgery but you never grieved them like you grieved me.I didn’t know why you couldn’t get over me. We hadn’t even known each other that long at the time of my death but when I realised I was mourning you as you were mourning me I understood._

_I was mourning you because I loved you. I know I should have said something earlier but I didn’t want to upset you. I sacrificed my happiness when we knew each other and I sacrificed my life to make sure you were as happy and safe as possible despite how it made me feel. We were the closest of friends and for a long time; almost was enough, but then I died. I realised there was no point in the whole façade if neither of us was truly living and when I saw that you felt the same I realised that you must love me back._

_If you don’t and I am wrong (unlikely) then please accept my apologies and just know that I am alive, well and will never bother you again._

_However, if I am right (and I sincerely hope I am) then I need to let you know that almost is never enough._

_All my love_

_Sherlock_

_221b Baker Street_

John didn’t know what to do.

It took him a few moments to remember how to breathe.

As weird as the situation was; he never for a second doubted it was real. Only Sherlock Holmes could boast of his own intelligence in a note declaring he wasn’t dead.

John found himself sitting in his chair and staring around his flat. It only took a glance around the bare walls and before he knew it he was in a cab on his way to Baker Street.

Sherlock was sure John would come. Was positive he would read the note and dash to Baker Street. But what if he didn’t?

Sherlock never claimed to be infallible and the only things that had ever proved him wrong were the actions of John Watson. He was unpredictable in a way regular people had no way of competing with and it was a part of what made Sherlock love him.

The buzz of his phone interrupted his reverie.

He is on his way. –MH

Sherlock felt his pulse jump and steepled his fingers under his chin to try and calm his racing mind.

He heard John putting his key in the lock and was not at all surprised at the fact that John had kept the key. Sentiment.

He closed his eyes as he heard John climbing the stairs and prepared himself. He had no idea how John would react but he knew that he would have to tell John the truth; he had after all proven that life was too short.

 

John didn’t know how he was going to greet Sherlock. He got in the cab out of sheer stubbornness and to prove it really was Sherlock even though he knew. He reached the top of the stairs and chuckled softly to himself as he realised he had left his cane at the new flat. He had been using his cane again since the day Sherlock jumped and the fact that as soon as there was a glimmer of hope of Sherlock being back he hadn’t needed it told John of the way his heart, mind and body wanted him to go. This confirmed to John exactly what he needed to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> This has potential for an added wedding and smut chapters so if you are interested in those let me know on my tumblr.  
> www.theshorgirlintheredcoat.tumblr.com  
> If there is enough interest I will post them.  
> Thanks again!


	4. The reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they are finally reunited. feels ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic so any comments would be greatly received.

As soon as John walked into the flat Sherlock rose from his chair

“John….”

At the sound of the voice he never thought he would hear again, John had almost begun crying but he had kept it together and began to talk. 

“Let me speak. I always loved you and when you died I blamed myself. I thought I was to blame. I thought that if I had told you that I loved you, you would have had a reason not to jump. You killed yourself because of me.”

Sherlock’s response was much more rushed than his usual measured way of speaking due to his eagerness to lift John’s guilt.

“It was for you John but it was not your fault. I did it because I loved you. If I had not jumped, Moriarty would have had his snipers take you out and I couldn’t bear the idea of a world without John Watson.”

And then John punched Sherlock in the face.

“I SPENT TWO YEARS BLAMING MYSELF! I SPENT TWO YEARS WITHOUT YOU!”

His voice became dangerously low “You think you can just waltz back in here and tell me you love me?!”

Sherlock became just as mad as John

“NO, I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW BECAUSE IF I HAD TOLD YOU SOONER, NEITHER OF US WOULD HAVE HAD THE HELL OF THE PAST TWO YEARS WE HAD!”

Sherlock walked up to John and practically hissed in his face. 

“if we had both been smart enough to realise our feelings would be reciprocated we could have had that carrying us through but we didn’t.” his voice became gentler “But now we have the rest of our lives to catch up, to love each other and to make sure nothing like this happens again.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, I didn’t even know you could love?” whispered John

“Neither did I until I met you.”

Then John slapped him again but as Sherlock came back to John’s level, recovering from the impact, John pulled him down and roughly kissed him. Sherlock felt the tears running down John’s face and began to feel his own fall as the kiss deepened. It had begun a crushing of lips and a way of conveying all the things that neither man could say. They briefly pulled apart and at the same time both whispered to each other the way two conspirators would, as if they didn’t want anyone else to know.

“I'm sorry. I love you.”

Then they went back to kissing and this time it was full of love, compassion and sorrow. John tugged on Sherlock’s lip with his teeth and Sherlock gasped, allowing John to slip his tongue in and begin to explore. They stayed exploring each other’s mouth for what felt like hours but was in actuality about ten minutes. They broke apart and were both panting heavily. 

“If we do this, we have to go fully; I can’t live without you again.” The honesty in John’s voice made Sherlock want to cry.  
“I know John, me neither.”  
“Then marry me”  
“I thought you would never ask.” Sherlock said with a smirk.

 

Within 6 months, John Watson-Holmes was happily married to the worlds only consulting detective and happily looking forward to an unpredictable life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> This has potential for an added wedding and smut chapters so if you are interested in those let me know on my tumblr.  
> www.theshorgirlintheredcoat.tumblr.com  
> If there is enough interest I will post them.  
> Thanks again!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> This has potential for an added wedding and smut chapters so if you are interested in those let me know on my tumblr.  
> www.theshorgirlintheredcoat.tumblr.com  
> If there is enough interest I will post them.  
> Thanks again!


End file.
